Friday, 18 December 2009

Is it really?

It's a good job National Express salted the paths on monday, just in time for it to make NO DIFFERENCE this morning. Naturally they apologised for the delay as they have never seen snow before and were convinced the sky was falling.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Comment of the year, 2009

"It's been a bad word since people started using it instead of 'spacker'."

Officially best comment of 2009.
You win the prize.
Err, you get to suggest my next drawing?

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

I don't get it.

I was looking at episodes of south park on the sky listings and the episode "Do the handicaped go to hell?" was on, but in the listings it was "Do the ********** go to hell?". Is handicaped a bad word now? What's next, censoring golf?

Illustartion Friday : Hatch

Monday, 7 December 2009

Chapter 1, probably of 1.

The sunlight oozed in through the slits in the cheap plastic blinds causing the usual sticky shadows that I had come to expect so early in the morning. Quite why I felt the need to be here at the wee stupid hours every day was beyond me but then again you've got to have some sort of work ethic, even in worst paying jobs, right? Alright, fine. The fact is I had nothing better to do, but this is MY job dammit and I'll not be accused of slacking off, not until I actually get in anyway.

What do I do? Nice of you to ask. The short answer is I'm not really sure. I work on the top floor of an office building. Literally. It's just me. Naturally I took the office furthest from the elevator in order to make people think that I'm in charge of the place, or that I'm a huge ego maniac. Either way. How does one get such a prestigious job? All I know is that one day out of the blue I get a letter saying I'd been accepted for a job that I had no memory of applying for and that it would be in my best interests to turn up on time. Which I did only to find a desk, a chair and little else. I'd feel guilty about just babysitting a desk all day but someone was crediting my account for doing it so hey, why not. I figured someone would catch their mistake eventually so I should probably take advantage while it was there to be taken.

No-one turned up and the cheques kept coming. Was this the job then? Had I inadvertently become the world's best paid and most selective caretaker? I was certainly turning into the world's most stir-crazy caretaker, being stuck in the middle of all that silence gets to be louder than you think, fortunately we have our good friend the internets and his little brother free-wi-fi-stolen-from-the-office-on-the-lower-floor for times like those.

I pulled the blinds up and looked out over the city as the street lights started to go out one after the other, I wondered whether it was some kind of light sensor or maybe they're on a timer. For the longest time I was convinced they'd go out just as I passed them out of shear spite, just to make me jump. From this height I could see all the businesses spring to life below me, I have no idea what they were doing but I was certain that it had something to do with walking around looking serious with a tie on at least. I sat down at my desk to check my email, or rather, to delete my junk mail. How did these people get my address in the first place? It doesn't matter though; I'm at least smart enough not to fall for such obvious scams. I hope.

It was around about noon when it happened. I was deep into an epic game of minesweeper when the door to the elevator chimed open. That made no sense, then only person that makes that sound was me and since I'm already here the chances of it being me were relatively slim. I shut off the best of Foreigner and waited to see what came next. I heard the soft impact of shoes on carpet as whoever it was came closer to my little "office", I realised that if I was going to get so nervous about someone walking for so long I should probably have chosen a less ostentatious room to spend my time in. It's not that far from there to here is it? There was an off chance whoever this was they were milking it for dramatic effect and if that was the case, it was a pretty lazy way to build tension.

The door finally opened. About what I expected. Male, average build, apple for a head, average weight, quite a nice suit, is that a tie pin? Wait, what? Huh, that's a little unusual, who wears a tie pin these days? Plus that whole apple thing is a thinker, it could be some sort of helmet I suppose but I don't see any air holes, how is this guy breathing? More to the point how come the first person I get to deal with in here doesn't even have the courtesy to have a face? Uh-oh, can he see me starring at him? I caught myself and found an interesting part of the wall behind him to investigate more fully. The guy just kept standing there, not that he had a choice there was only one chair in the room and unless he planned to sit on my lap there was nothing else to do. Mental note, get another chair at some point. I heard a dull slapping sound somewhere in front of me which drew my attention back again, a brown filing folder was now lying on the desk.

This is for you. That's all the information you need.

The apple headed man's voice wasn't coming out of where I would have guessed a mouth might have been, rather it was simply emanating from his general direction, maybe a little behind him. It was seeming less likely that that was a mask. I picked up the folder, clearly there were papers in there and maybe something slightly heavier.

Don't look at it now. Wait until I leave.

I looked the man square in the area where eyes might have been with my standard "You've just said something I can use against you" look.

So, is someone going to tell me what's going on here?

You have all the information you need.

The man turned and started to walk away. I couldn't help it, when else am I going to get an opportunity like this? I called after him.

Hey, I have a question about your head.

He turned his "head" slightly to one side where he stood about half way back to the elevator.

What about it?

Never mind.

Security tagged.

There's always a strange sense of relief when you go through those magnetic sensors in shops without setting them off, even if you haven't been theving that day.

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Sponsored by Snapple®

So, last night I tried my first Snapple®. You've probably heard of it before in american TV shows or something but never actually seen one because, not unlike Reeces, they just don't sell them here. I was pretty nice and it comes in a glass bottle so you can maybe reuse that for something. I don't know if everywhere is selling these now but I can recommend the Lemonade version. I assume there's an apple one out there somewhere but I haven't seen it, unless that's not actually ment to be part of the name. Also, have a look under the cap for interesting facts. I'll tell you what I've learned so far.

An ant can survive for up to two weeks under water.
Strawberries are a member of the rose family.

Thanks Snapple®, you've made me slightly smarter.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Fun time with science.

It was raining last night. I noticed on the way to work that there were many small circles on the pavement where the water had darkened it and not dried up but in the dead centre of each circle was a single chip of gravel. Is there something about stone that prevents water from evaporating?

Movie Review : Transformers, Revenge of the fallen.

Less slapstick, more robots please.

Behold, the benefits of prototyping.

Illustration Friday : Entangled

Friday, 27 November 2009

Stop, grammar time.

Ok folks, here's how it's done.

They're going to their house over there.
You're eating your sandwich.
To talk too much takes two.

Not funny I know, but perhaps a little helpful.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Dirty words : Part 4

Machinima - 'Nuff said.

Like - Go ahead and like listen to like an american like podcast.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

3D proof of concept.

Does this work? Either it's my glasses or my montor but I'm not sure.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009


I want my next thing to be available in 3D, so what I need to know is, does everyone have a pair of Red/Blue specs for the viewing of 3D?

Monday, 23 November 2009

My new shoes are tight.

On another note the following artists are outlawed during the month of december:

Paul McCartney
Mariah Carey
Gary Glitter
The Pogues

Concrete Operational.

This guy likes it, you just might too.

Koma 3D with special guest, Weebl.

Shelf sitting Koma 3D, second angle.

Shelf sitting Koma 3D

Mooninites unite!

Friday, 20 November 2009

Illustration Friday : Music

I know I've posted this before, but you can't have too much of a good thing, right?
Ah hell, I'm just feeling lazy ok?

Pipler Redux.

Due to popular demand ...

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Movie Review : Saw, generally.

Some guys that a lung cancer guy has decided are bad wake up in a deathtrap and are arbitrarily killed until one is left and they find out that they didn't all have to die if they'd worked together.

Movie Review : James Cameron's Avatar.

Did you see Ferngully? It's like that.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Monday, 16 November 2009

Nazi fruit.

You think you're pretty clever don't you? Well I'm on to you, strawberries. That's right, I've seen you lurking around in plummets on street corners, antagonising passing vegans and throwing pips at them. You're a bunch of punks and according to recent news you're all anti-Semitic holocaust deniers. You all deserve to be cheesecaked.

Illustration Friday : Unbalanced

Friday, 13 November 2009

Warning, contains outrage.

Hello all.
An odd thing has been happening on wednesday evenings, there are a couple of college duchebags sitting on the train playing their fucking accoustic guitars like anyone around them wants to listen to their piss poor 6th form compositions. Do they think they're doing everyone a great big favour by enhancing their trip home with "music"? No, no-one wants to hear your plinky sounds so save it for the common room why don't you. It's like those people who sit in Starbucks writing their screenplay on a laptop, because heaven forbid you should write without someone watching you. Oh look, that person is SOOOO creative and not an attention seeking hosebag.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Poor spelling, that's the reason.

Hey, Flo Rida.
That's not how you spell "flow", and that's not how you spell "rider".

Worlds cheapest skyline.

So many heads.

But which is the best?

Officially winter then.

I could have gone on without knowing that.

Hello all.
It has come to my attention that some X Factor duchebags had the nerve to cover Ghostbusters. Thankfully I didn't hear it, but seeing it, if only in a clip made me proclaim "WHAT DID YOU DO?". The only people good enough to cover that song are Armcannon. Fact.

Monday, 9 November 2009

Fun game?

Hello all,
Here's a fun little game you can try. The next time your PC is loading something in and it causes an open folder to leave ghost images when it moves, see if you can make a picture out of the trail before it dissappears. I do it all the time. I am depressed.

Dirty words : Part 3

Digimation - What the hell? Way to deminish the whole art form in one word.

Illustration Friday : Blur

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Bayonetta - Initial thoughts.

Yesterday I came home to find a package waiting for me from Japan, and yes, it was it was Bayonetta, one of those games I've been waiting ages to play based purely on teaser trailers, the other one being the slightly disappointing Brütal Legend and yes, this is the last damn time I'll be using those stupid umlouts.
Let's get the big questions out of the way first, yes the game runs on a UK machine, moreover it fully supports English voices and subtitles as well as all in game text, the only thing not translated is the instruction book, but I doubt many will be reading that anyway. Oh, and full English language trophy support support if that sort of thing matters to you. Obviously from what I've just said you can tell I'm playing the PS3 version so I don't know if the 360 is as region compatible.
A while ago I saw a comparison of both the PS3 and 360 versions with the latter being visibly superior. I can't say I've noticed anything that would suggest a sloppy port as yet, but it's early days yet and if something pops up you can bet someone is going to hear about it.
Loading. Holy crap is there ever a lot of loading. It must come from the complete lack of an install, but I've never had any problem waiting for a game to install, must be all those years of PC gaming. Seriously though, the game loads when you press pause. Now, I don't know if DMC4 pulled these sorts of shenanigans, what with it being the closest comparison I can make, but it seems like the sort of over site someone should have been looking out for, but at least they give you something to do while you wait most of the time. You tend to get shunted into a weird sort of void where you can practice your combos which I found crapping out on me just when I was getting into it.
Let's see, what else. The graphics are good and shift around like nobody's business but I found myself loosing enemies off screen due to the fixed camera, or at least what felt like a fixed camera to me when things were getting hectic. That also resulted in me taking extra damage from enemies I couldn't see, or "Ninja Gaidening".
I'm completely in love with Bayonetta's voice actress who, as far as I can tell, isn't putting it on, which always wins extra points in my book, but man, I could watch her walk away for hours. Sometimes I have to switch her to a run just so I won't get too distracted and have to, err, let's say, stop playing for a while. There's one part with a tomb stone and about ten angels in one of the first cut scenes which I can only describe as a "backdrop gangbang" that made my laugh out loud in shear joy.
So who would win in a fight between Dante and Bayonetta? Well, I'd much rather watch an anime of Bayonetta than the tedious DMC one I sat through, plus Dante always came across as kind of a tool to me. Will Bayonetta's over sexualisation start to grate on my nerves? Time will tell I suppose, but right now she can do whatever she wants to.

Monday, 2 November 2009

Illustration Friday : Skinny

Ok, let me explain.
Skinny = Thin
Thin = Thin White Duke
Thin White Duke = David Bowie
David Bowie = Labyrinth

Friday, 30 October 2009

Quit fighting over fictional me.

For some reason my email address has found it's way on to a bunch dating sites, which are much more likely to be spam sites let's face it because these are at least 10 posts in my junk folder every day. It's not a big problem or anything, It's a simple matter to just hit delete. I don't know why they'd think I'd try to sign in to a site that I've never heard of, let alone been to, but it's the same message with a different name each time, as if I wouldn't notice.
I bring it up because lately these spam emails have been reading like they've been fighting for my affections, like I've been cheating on one fictional girl with another fictional girl, which I find amusing. Easy there fictional ladies, there's enough of fictional me to go around.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Time up.

Hey, Go Compare guy.
Enough is enough, Alright?

Seasonal gaming depression.

Hello all.
I always feel an odd sort of melencholy after finishing games.
Maybe it has something to do with bringing an end to a long investment of time.
That might be why there are so many games I never went back to.

Dirty words - Part 2

Christmas - Seems fine right? How often are you going to hear that word over the next two months? At least five times on every advert you bump into at least.

Dirty words - Part 1

Hello all.
Last night it occured to me that there are certain words that should never be used, purely because they are just vile. I encourage you to contribute, I'll get you started.

Snog - Not even a word really, more of a spat nonsense sound.

Japanimation - This has a word, anime. Not sure it really needs a worse way of describing it.

Egg based fun.

Hello all.
Today I found out what a quiche loraine is.
Turns out it's bacon and cheese, but quiche has more egg that I usually like.
I'm not sure where I stand on quiche, although if I'm standing on it I'll probably not want to eat it.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

I need more rope.

Hello all.
My favorite meme has to be Candlejack, if only becau

Friday, 23 October 2009

Too much egg.

Hello all.
Today I found out what a quiche loraine is.
Turns out it's bacon and cheese, but quiche has more egg that I usually like.
I'm not sure where I stand on quiche, although if I'm standing on it I'll probably not want to eat it.

Big shelf of unfinished business.

Hello all.
I always feel an odd sort of melencholy after finishing games.
Maybe it has something to do with bringing an end to a long investment of time.
That might be why there are so many games I never went back to.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Shake the bottle, away from me.

Hello all.
I just found out that you can get Orengina in a can. I'm all for shaking the bottle and waking the taste, but if you shake this you're going to get taste all over your shirt.

TV space.

Hello all.
I watched Defying Gravity. I got the feeling it was like Lost in space. That is to say like Lost, but in space. And that doesn't bode well for me watching it through.

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Sugar high.

Hello all.
I have now officially tried every flavour of Lucozade. I can heartily recommend Lemon, Cherry and nothing else. It's the best way to get 57% of your daily sugar in about five minutes.

Metro speculation.

Hello all.
Oh Metro, you've made my day. You just compared Cheryl Cole to M.Bison. But with Super SF4 soming out soon who knows, she might just be in there.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Brütal review.

Brütal Legend is a game I've been psyched for for a long time, way before the first teaser trailer came out. It's such a good idea and in a lot of ways it's the best game I've played so far this year, and I'm including the strangely dissapointing Ghostbusters game, but I can't really recomment that anyone buys this game unless they've already played the full version rather than the demo.
The game world is excellently realised and as everyone in the world will say the soundtrack is outstanding but there's just something about the game that doesn't sit right with me. I finished the whole thing on brütal difficulty and maybe that's what's throwing me off, but the combat doesn't feel quite right. Your army of followers are amazingly stupid in critical situations and the RTS style battles are either walkovers or uphill struggles to the fail screen. Perhaps that's a little harsh, it's probably better to say that if the RTS battles weren't mission critical, that is to say if you didn't HAVE to do them, then this would be a much better game.
More than once I got stuck in the landscape and the game froze on me but you expect that from most games from time to time. The last part of the story was great and the ending wasn't all that short, but still didn't tie enough things up, I assume they're leaving that for the sequal that'll never happen. If there's another one here's what it'll need, more missions, no RTS, better combat, more upgrades and access to the wings at all times.
I finished the game before I worked out how to free the bound serpents and legends, they never once told me how to do it. That's a big no no, just show me once at the start and let me get on with it.
There's one more PS3 specific gripe, this game has trophies specific to online play, which never stops bugging me. I don't play online so I can't get them and therefore never achieve 100% for it. If you're going to do that have an online trophies section for the people willing to go through all that extra work would you?
In the end this is a game that took what seemed like forever but still feels rushed somehow. Now if you'll excuse me I have bound dragons to free.

Illustration Friday : Frozen

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Linguistic homocide.

Before I forget, there's an engravers on my way to work and they put up a sign in the window stating that "the store open's at 9am". Open's. Remember that this is the person you're trusting to etch words onto metal, but then again this is the same person who spells today "To-day" on their door.
If it wasn't so early I'd have gone in there and asked them why they feel the need to murder the english language so.


Hello all.
So no graphics today, I'm working on something kinda complex so I thought it was time for my first all text post. I guess it must be winter now then, I spent five minutes this morning looking for my cold weather hat, a hat that says "snoogans". So yeah, I'm a big dork.

Yesterday, to my great surprise I got a couple of games in the mail so here's my initial impressions after a couple of hours gameplay.

Uncharted 2 looks great and the controls are fine but just like the last one I'm not a fan of the gunplay, I sware most of the time guys can take five shots to the skull before going down and then there's the shooting gallery sections where the game spawns fifty guys and throws them at you. I can do without that sort of thing. The character voiced by Claudia Black has wierdly rendered eyes too.

Brütal legend is a game I've been psyched for since before the teaser came out however many years ago that was. The intro was a great surprise that I won't spoil for you, maybe it's because I'm playing on brütal difficulty but I can't help thinking that the combat isn't all that good, especially because you'll usually be swarmed all on your own with no way to counter or dodge effectively. The deuce handles like crap, the warthogs in Halo handle better than this thing. I would have liked a commentary track for this game too, if only to explain things better that the tutorial. It loads so fast I can't finish reading the tips on the loading screens. Otherwise great music and graphics and I laughed several times. Ozzy can act really well but Lemmy can't, who knew?

"We'll call it Ironhead in honor of you guys, only we'll put an "e" on the end so people know we're not messing around."

Monday, 5 October 2009

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Monday, 28 September 2009

Dare to Believe.


Pillow talk.

Illustration Friday : Pattern

Hello all. To get the most out of these you'll need to save one to your computer and set it as a tiled background. I've included a white base, a black base and a fun one which'll mess your eyes up.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Wednesday, 23 September 2009